My beloved daughter, Sarah Frances Corzine, was born at 5:12 PM on Thursday, February 18, 1999 -- 2 months premature. She spent 3 weeks and 3 days in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) at Good Samaritan Hospital here in Cincinnati, Ohio. She was discharged on Sunday, March 14, 1999 around 4:30 PM, just after the baby shower we had at St. John's Unitarian Church at 1:30 PM. She came home exactly 5 weeks before her original due date of Sunday, April 18, 1999. She died and broke my heart early in the morning of Thursday, April 22, 1999, exactly 9 weeks after her birth. While her death was officially ruled as SIDS, we believe she died as a direct result of the six vaccines she received 14 hours before her death.
(The current status update is at the end of this page.)
Sarah just keeps doing better and better. Today she was removed from the isolette (incubator) to an open crib; she is self-regulating her temperature rather well now. (She still needs to be dressed appropriately, of course.) She gained about 40 grams since yesterday. (That's good, since they were worried when she was hovering around her birthweight for a couple days.) Today was also her first day feeding from a bottle instead of a tube!
Natalie and I had been telling the nurses and doctors for nearly a week that we believed she was ready to try feeding from a bottle rather than through a feeding tube in her nose. (You can see the tube in the pictures.) We had noticed she was beginning to suck on our fingers fairly consistently when it was getting to be feeding time. The response we kept getting was that they usually couldn't coordinate the suck-swallow-breath reflexes reliably until about 34-35 weeks, sometimes later. (She's at 33 weeks, 4 days; she was born two weeks ago today.) Yesterday, they told me that she might be a candidate for a feeding study which is currently in progress; they said they would ask the researcher to call me about it.
Indeed, the researcher called me yesterday and explained what the study was all about. Basically, they are trying to test a theory that preterm infants might have a smoother transition from tube to bottle feedings if they had maximum opportunity (offered a bottle at every feeding, starting as early as 30-32 weeks) and could determine (to a degree) the amount to feed, once accustomed to bottle feeding. The standard hospital protocol, by contrast, is rather conservative; they start by offering the bottle only once per day (out of eight feedings) and slowly increasing it over the period of a week or two.
This was a randomized study; among participants there was still a control group who received the standard hospital protocol. We definitely wanted the experimental protocol, as it is much more in line with our philosophies of childcare. Luckily, when they randomized Sarah, she turned up in the experimental group, not the control group. When we heard this, we gladly signed up for the study; this was exactly what we wanted for Sarah. (I suppose we would have been willing to participate in the control group if necessary, if we would have been stuck with standard protocol either way.) We had been fighting for days to get them to offer her a bottle; we were very lucky that this study came along to help us when it did.
As for her reaction to bottle feeding? The first bottle feeding was done at 9:00 AM today, by the researchers. (They do one feeding per day, and monitor vital signs on a different computer that tracks information for the study.) The nurse later reported that although Sarah's efforts were fairly clumsy and uncoordinated, she was indeed able to take her full feeding (28cc) within a reasonable amount of time from the bottle. At the noon feeding, again she took the entire feeding from the bottle, and this time she was somewhat more coordinated with it. Natalie was able to administer the 3:00 PM and 6:00 PM feedings; again there was no problem. (See? We knew she was ready!)
I got to give her the 9:00 PM feeding myself, but I think I failed to burp her properly in the middle of the feeding; she ended up spitting up about 5cc, probably due to swallowed air. (I guess Sarah's not the only one who needs to practice this a little!) After a bit of a rest, Sarah finished the rest of her feeding from the bottle. I just called to check how her midnight feeding went; again there were no problems.
In six straight feedings since 9:00 AM, Sarah has taken her entire feeding from the bottle. She only spit up once, and that was probably my fault. They haven't fed her through tube since 6:00 AM. (They still need to use it to check for aspirates -- undigested milk from the previous feeding. She hasn't had any to speak of.) Obviously, Sarah was ready to move on to the next stage, as we've been trying to convince them for days now! At least she's lucky enough to be on this study; I believe she'll be home sooner for it. (Hopefully, this experimental protocol will show good results and become the new standard; it seems much better to me.)
Consistent bottle feedings and steady weight gain are the only milestones left before they will consider discharging Sarah; at this rate, she could be home with us in perhaps two weeks or so... (Keep your fingers crossed!)
Sarah is moving right along. She's done so well with the bottle feedings, with no aspirates to speak of, that they removed the feeding tube entirely this morning! (Her cheek is still red and irritated from the tape.) Natalie and Sarah also got to practice breastfeeding this afternoon when a lactation consultant showed up to help; they took Sarah off her monitor long enough to go back into one of the private rooms in the NICU for the purpose. She did manage to latch on for a while, then fed from a bottle. She left 10cc in the bottle; the speculation is that may be the amount she got from breastfeeding. They said she did remarkably well for a first attempt. (Typical of Sarah to astound everyone, it seems...)
Sarah's feedings aren't 100% perfect, but she's getting pretty good at it now. She did spit up on the nurse at the 9:00 PM feeding, but when I fed her at 11:30 PM, she did not spit up. Unfortunately, she did have her heart rate drop a couple times, and once she started changing color. The nurse said it was probably related to a reflux problem, and that bradycardia (a drop in heartrate) isn't viewed quite as harshly if it's associated with a feeding than when she's asleep. Still, the episode probably means she'll need to remain in the NICU for at least another week or so. (Just as well; I'd rather have her there until we know she'll be safe at home...)
The other thing we noticed during that feeding was that she was sucking too vigorously for the preemie nipple on the bottle, which the study requested. The preemie nipple is designed to allow the milk to flow more easily; Sarah is stronger that that and probably needs to start using the regular nipple, which requires the kind of effort she's putting into it. The milk was coming out so fast that she had trouble swallowing it fast enough, and some of it was dribbling out of her mouth. At one point she stopped sucking entirely and had to swallow 5-6 times -- I don't think the preemie nipple is appropriate for her at this point. (The nurse said if the same thing happens later, she'll probably move her to the regular nipple and explain it to the researchers later when they show up.)
The nurse said that she's seen babies discharged in as little as 3 days from the time when they're "nippling" all of their feeds and have positive weight gain. (Sarah gained 30 grams last night, about 1 ounce, which is about right.) In theory, Sarah might have come home as soon as Monday or so. However, the bradycardia episode tonight probably means she'll stay at least another 7-10 days until they are reasonably sure it's not likely to keep happening. Hence, I don't expect she'll be coming home this week, but sometime next week is very plausible at this point... (I still have a sneaking suspicion about March 18, to add to the plethora of 18's!)
Sarah is still doing fine today. She didn't gain any weight since yesterday, which suggests she's been using up her energy on other things. Her practice with breastfeeding probably tired her out somewhat yesterday; that may explain where some of her energy went. Nevertheless, I have no doubt she'll adapt and grow stronger every day; I expect she'll start gaining weight consistently soon...
Meanwhile, I bought a camcorder today. Natalie thought the price was a bit excessive (and it probably was), but it's what I wanted, and the excessive part comes out of "my" money rather than "our" money. Anyhow, the camcorder is a Sony CCD-TRV66, a new model which is Hi8 XR format, has 20x optical zoom (variable speed), 360x digital zoom (with horrible picture quality by then!), 2.5" color LCD screen, "NightShot" infrared system (for zero-light situations), "photo" mode, various digital/picture/fader effects, etc. It's a "daddy toy"; I've always wanted a camcorder like this, but it never seemed important enough to get until we had children... (I think it will be worth having...)
I went with the two local grandma's to the NICU tonight with the camera; we recorded an hour of tape there. I will probably send copies (on VHS) to my Dad (Grandpa) and (Great-)Grandma Frances (Sarah's namesake). I will consider other copies by request, but it will probably be complicated to send copies to many people. (Anyone who sends a blank videotape with a self-addressed stamped envelope will probably get a copy since that eliminates most of the hassle which is otherwise involved.)
We also spent a couple hours (with help from others) working on moving our bedroom upstairs where there's room, setting up the crib, and just generally getting things ready for whenever Sarah actually comes home. We might well get next weekend to prepare as well, but I'll be slightly surprised if she's not home by the weekend after next...
Speaking of bed, I'm heading there now! Time to sleep...
I didn't post a status update here yesterday; I decided to attempt to post new updates during the day sometime rather than at midnight or later. That way, I have a better chance of getting some sleep...
Sarah is still doing well. Yesterday she was on the final phase of the feeding study, where they feed her when she acts hungry, and let her have as much as she wants. (If she takes too little in one day, they would enforce a minimum the next day as a precaution.) In contrast to the "full feedings" of 28cc (according to the doctor's formula), Sarah took 45cc in a single feeding yesterday afternoon. Although she still spit up once or twice yesterday, she's been generally keeping it down, even with larger feedings. Last night, she took 55cc at midnight, then 60cc at 4:30 AM! (That's over double her "full feeding" amount!)
We're still keeping an eye on her weight gain. She hit a plateau over the weekend; Saturday morning she hadn't gained any weight, and Sunday she was up 10 grams. (They're looking for at least 30 grams or so, about an ounce.) She's also had a lot of stimulation recently, which reduces the amount of deep sleep she gets; since that's when she grows most, it may contribute to such plateaus. Hence, we're trying to take some extra precautions to reduce the amount of stimulation she's getting for a while so she can grow stronger. Also, now that she can eat what she wants, she is taking in more calories, which should help too.
Her weight was up 50 grams this morning, which is good. She's now 3 pounds, 8.4 ounces. (Or something very close to that; she definitely passed the 3.5-pound mark.) Hopefully the weight gain will become more consistent soon; there will be plenty of opportunity for playing with her in coming months... (The relatives planning to visit in May will probably be here at a good time; she ought to be big and strong by then, and able to take much more stimulation then she currently can...)
She is done with the feeding study today; the researchers saw her this morning and decided she had completed the whole process, so there was nothing left for them to study. She'll probably be allowed to continue feeding at her own pace since it's working well for her, but the researchers aren't going to need any more data on Sarah's progress -- she's made all the progress they were looking for in only a few days!
The only problem I see right now is with the bradycardia. Her heart rate dropped again this morning when she was fed at 8:30 AM. Although this isn't uncommon, she can't go home while she's still having these episodes. This one was significant enough that the nurse had to provide external stimulation; she started turning a dusky color again. This one went on her chart; sometimes the really short ones are allowed to go uncharted. I believe they usually keep them in the NICU for 7-10 days after the last episode that had to be charted, but it's up to the attending neonatalogist in the end.
Everyone, keep thinking about her. All she needs to do is keep her heart rate and weight gain under control, and she'll be able to come home... I still think it will probably be next week sometime, but we'll have to wait and see.
Well, so much for the idea of doing updates during the daytime. I didn't get around to writing one yesterday; I was too busy. Besides, there wasn't all that much news... (And for some of you -- don't assume something is wrong just because I didn't get a chance to post a status update! I'm probably just busy...)
Today is a different story. The big news is that Sarah will be coming home soon! One of the residents called Natalie this afternoon and told her that Sarah would probably be discharged over the weekend; she said we wouldn't really be ready for her to come home until Monday, and they agreed that would be fine. Therefore, barring unforeseen setbacks, Monday will be the big day.
Especially for people in (or near) Cincinnati who may be reading this page, I have to issue a warning in advance. Expect little to no contact with us for the first week or two. We are bound to be very preoccupied with Sarah and adjusting to life together; we probably won't have much time or energy to deal with visitors or phone calls. I will make an effort to keep this page updated every day or two, but in absence of updates, assume that "no news is good news"...
We understand that as soon as we are home, many people would like to descend upon us to visit and see Sarah. This is exactly what we cannot allow; the doctors and nurses have cautioned strongly against it. To a large degree, this will even apply to immediate family at first. In particular, the local grandparents have had opportunities to see Sarah daily, but we hope they all understand if that has to be temporarily limited to brief visits once or twice a week for a couple weeks...
We hate to impose limits, but Sarah will need her rest when she first comes home more than ever. She won't have the constant attention of monitors and nurses at home as she's had in the NICU, and we can't risk her health by allowing her to be overtaxed by visitors, even including the grandparents she already knows and loves. We know it will be hard to go for days at a time without seeing her, but it will probably be necessary. (And I might note that Grandpa Gordon and Grandma Carolyn have yet to see Sarah; some people haven't been so lucky as to be in town to see so much of her.)
We'll invite visitors as we're able, particularly grandparents. Please, no unannounced visits! In general, "don't call us; we'll call you." Those who are willing to bribe us with food can probably leverage that to get in the door long enough to drop off said food and get a quick peek at Sarah, who will probably be asleep at almost any given time. If you want to try this route, give us a call. Otherwise, wait for an invitation...
When Sarah comes home next week, I will be taking 2-3 weeks of vacation from work to be home while we adjust to our new family. I will probably take some additional days when certain people are here from out of town, as well. Part of my job will be to turn people away at the door if they don't have a good reason to be here. You have been warned. (If you feel we're being too overprotective, maybe you're right. Nevertheless, get over it. This is how it must be for now.)
And while I'm being the bad guy, I might as well mention something else. (The following is not directed at anyone in particular.) Natalie and I both firmly believe that Sarah is a perfect, beautiful little baby who happened to come to us a little earlier than expected. Please don't assume developmental problems are a given. Please don't refer to Sarah with euphemisms such as "special", which many people seem to associate with more politically-incorrect terms such as "retarded" or "handicapped". Of course she's special; every child is special. But don't use that term; it's too loaded.
In fact, don't do anything to emphasize the fact of her prematurity; she has consistently amazed all caretakers with her rapid progress. We don't expect any significant problems will arise, and we would appreciate it if everyone could consciously avoid such assumptions. (Besides, even if a developmental problem should develop, it won't change the fact that she's perfect in our eyes. And we will adapt as necessary.) As far as we're concerned, she's a perfect baby who just needs a little peace and quiet to grow big and strong.
Also, please don't try to warn us about all the bad things that might happen to her; we're well aware of many of them. Don't tell us every horror story you've heard. We simply don't need to hear about it. In particular, drop discussion of SIDS entirely. The doctor has already told us that Sarah's at no particular risk of SIDS, and it's not a topic that any parent cares to dwell on. Yes, there is always some risk that we can't avoid. We're aware of it; let's drop the topic and move on, okay?
I'm sure all this sounds rather unfair and mean, but it can't be helped. From now on, Sarah and any future children are our top priority, bar none. There may be times when some people may get their feelings hurt because of something we feel is necessary to protect our children. Sure, we could allow dozens of visitors immediately and ignore all negative comments, but that would be irresponsible. As Sarah's parents, we must do what we feel is right, and just hope that others will understand. (As a side note, we do recognize that everyone has the best intentions at heart and would never intentionally to anything to harm Sarah or our family. That doesn't excuse us from the responsibility to set boundaries.)
On a lighter note, there are smaller bits of news from the NICU. Sarah is still feeding well, usually taking at least 30cc, but often 45-60cc at each feeding. She is also gaining weight well; yesterday at 1 PM, she weighed 1630 grams. Tonight, she was up to 1680 grams -- 3 pounds, 11 ounces. They were adding a powdered supplement to Sarah's milk for the last week or so, but today they stopped doing it. Now she is on breastmilk only, which is another step towards going home. I have no doubt in my mind that she will break the 4-pound mark before she comes home on Monday...
As usual, Sarah is doing well. She did have a bradycardia episode tonight, long enough to worry me a little (she changed color for a few seconds), but not long enough to be charted, quite. (The nurse did not need to intervene.) She was feeding (of course) and got a little too tired. Nevertheless, she took the entire 60cc in the end, although she did spit up maybe 2-3cc with the air that came up. Still, she's doing fine, and I'm getting a good idea of what warning signs to watch for during feeding...
Monday remains the expected day of discharge. We took her car seat up to the NICU for them to check it out; she's still a little small for it, so we need to get a preemie insert to help secure her. (A little birdie told me that we might be getting such a thing at the baby shower on Sunday...)
Saturday night, we will (probably) be staying at the hospital, "rooming in" with Sarah; they'll take her out of the NICU for the night and leave her with us to deal with alone, in a hospital room. The nurses and doctors will be available if they are needed. (I think they may keep some sort of monitoring on her still, although I don't know if we'll see the displays.) Basically, it's a "dry run" for when we bring her home Monday. I don't anticipate any trouble with it.
I talked to Anthem today, and told them to record Dr. Libbey Spiess as her PCP (Primary Care Physician); Natalie knew her back when she used to be at CHMC (Children's Hospital Medical Center), and many of the NICU nurses have raved about what a wonderful pediatrician she is. Several of the nurses use her for their own kids. Others know her directly; as it turns out, Dr. Spiess used to be one of the residents in the NICU at Good Samaritan Hospital about four years ago -- according to one nurse, she was one of the best residents they ever had!
I've yet to meet Dr. Spiess myself, but she sounds like a good choice. We have an appointment at 10:00 AM on Tuesday to take Sarah to another doctor in her practice; she is too swamped next week to take Sarah's first appointment. I did manage to keep a short meeting on her schedule for Wednesday at 5:00 PM (which we had scheduled several weeks ago). It's only about a 10-15 minute meeting, so she can't use that slot for Sarah, but I still want to meet Dr. Spiess and get to know her, since I'm going to be trusting my precious daughter to her care...
Sarah's weight came out the same tonight as last night. That's probably not significant for a single day; her weight fluctuates throughout the day along with her feedings and eliminations. Chances are she'll show a significant weight gain tomorrow. Also, since she's off the milk fortifier, she may be adjusting to that as well.
Visually, however, I can see that she is getting larger. Even her head is noticeably bigger! (Perhaps everyone is complimenting her too much!) She definitely looks stronger than she did when she was born. I still expect her to break the 4-pound mark by Monday; if not, she'll probably be close...
That's enough for tonight; I need to get to sleep already...
They took Sarah's official picture today! I wasn't there for it, but I hear it turned out well. I think they're charging us a limb or two for whatever package Natalie ordered, but whatever! If I ever get a scanner, I'll have to put her official picture online here, once we have it...
Sarah was also moved to a different room in the NICU -- the one they tend to put babies in when they're going to be discharged soon. Monday remains the expected discharge day for Sarah; she's still doing fine...
I realized tonight that I mentioned the "plethora of 18's" in the March 5 status update, without explaining it. The point was that the number 18 was coming up repeatedly -- she was due April 18, born February 18, and Natalie was born July 18... Then, we noticed that she was in bed #18 in the NICU! That's a lot of 18's, so it seemed only fitting that she should leave on March 18, or maybe at 1800 hours, just to add some more 18's... (Tonight, I realized she was in Room 2, Bed 18 -- and 2/18 was her birthday! Spooky!)
She only posted a 16-gram weight gain today, but it was using a different scale in the new room; there may be some variance between the two scales. Besides, she may still be adjusting to being off the fortifier. Hopefully she'll gain more tomorrow night. I'm still hoping she'll be 4 pounds by Monday, but she'll have to gain weight faster for that!
I took the camcorder down again tonight, for a few seconds here and there. I haven't had a chance to copy the tape I had yet, anyhow...
I've taken printouts of this web page to show the nurses in the NICU; they seem to like it. They even asked if they could photocopy it to show others; I said to go ahead, since it's posted on the Internet anyhow...
They called this morning to tell us that Sarah is coming home tomorrow!
We're leaving now to go spend the night in the hospital with her... More to come tomorrow...
Sarah came home today! She was discharged around 4:30 PM, after the baby shower we had at St. John's Unitarian Church at 1:30 PM this afternoon. She was doing so well that the hospital couldn't medically justify keeping her another day, as previously discussed. (Sarah did so well that she still has 5 full weeks until her original due date -- and that's when we were told we could expect her to be discharged, originally...)
We spent the night at the hospital last night, "rooming in" with Sarah. They took her off the monitors entirely (after all, we don't have them at home) and wheeled her bassinet into a hospital room they setup with two beds for us to sleep in. Granted, we didn't get all that much sleep, but it went well.
Sarah posted a better weight gain last night; she was up to 1744 grams (3 pounds, 13.5 ounces), from Friday night's weight of 1696 grams. I think the doctor got confused when he wrote up the discharge papers; he put down 1696 grams as the discharge weight -- he probably looked at Friday's weight instead of Saturday's. (She wasn't weighed again today, because she was discharged before the night shift when they are usually weighed.)
Sarah continues to eat well; at one feeding, they decided that she was hungry for more than the 60cc their bottles hold. When they gave her more to eat, she ended up taking a total of 90cc in a single feeding! She really is getting bigger; her preemie diapers are getting tight on her! We have a few Pampers preemie diapers that are supposed to go up to 5 pounds and a bunch of Huggies ones for up to 6 pounds. (They also sent a few of the Pampers ones home with us from the hospital.) Given how fast they can go through diapers, we will probably have a chance to go through the 80-90 preemie diapers by the time she's 6 pounds, but we'd better not get any more just yet!
They sent home a variety of goodies from the hospital with her, including her "bendie" (a foam bumper pad with a lead bar in it), two sheepskins (which we can't use as freely as they could in the hospital where she was monitored), some bottles and diapers, and several syringes. The syringes are for the one supplement she is still receiving, an iron supplement to safeguard against anemia. (It's not a big supplement, just 0.2 cc/day.) They sent home a prescription for the supplement; we need to get it filled tomorrow. (They gave it to her at the hospital just before she was discharged, for today.)
So, we're home now, and holing up for a while. Don't call us unless you have a good excuse. (For example, you want to bribe us with food to see the baby!) We'll invite a few people over to visit her as we see fit, but there probably won't be all that many invites this week...
There's not much to be said today. We're just settling in. Sarah is doing fine, and we're all just getting used to being home together. Otherwise, not much change from yesterday...
We took Sarah up to Queen City Physicians today for her first checkup. Since Dr. Libbey Spiess was unavailable on short notice, Sarah was seen this morning by Dr. Sharon Harp, who was nice enough. She said Sarah was doing fine. Most of the visit didn't bother Sarah too much -- until it came time for her to get the Hepatitis B vaccine. This required a shot in the leg which upset her quite a bit for several minutes, then she calmed down and was fine...
One more thing... Her weight this morning was 4 pounds, 3 ounces! She not only broke the 4-pound mark, but went well past it. She gained 5.5 ounces in 2.5 days, which is pretty good progress...
Okay, so it's been 11 days since my last status update. What can I say? I've been too busy with everyday life to keep up. But, I've heard some complaints about it, so I figured I'd better write something...
I took Sarah back to the pediatrician's office for a weight check on Monday; she was only 4 pounds, 6 ounces. I met Dr. Spiess briefly in the hallway when I was there; she seems nice. I mentioned that Sarah only gained 3 ounces in 6 days, but she said that any positive weight gain was a good thing.
Natalie and I thought about it for a couple days, and discussed it with Loma, one of the midwives, who is also a lactation consultant. We had been working with a supplemental feeding system for about a week to help Sarah learn how to suck properly for breastfeeding rather than bottle feeding; she would suck on a finger and get milk from a small tube.
A couple days ago (Thursday?), we all agreed that she was having to work too hard to feed this way, so we put her back on regular bottles for now to give her a better chance to gain weight and grow stronger. (She was using the supplemental feeder for the last half of last week and the first half of this week.) She has been taking in a lot more since we switched back, possibly as much as double what she was getting before; I think she'll be gaining quickly again now... (She'll be weighed again on Monday.)
We're still trying to get Sarah to nurse, but progress has been slow. She has made some progress however; she has managed to latch on several times, but only briefly. We'll keep giving her opportunities, but she probably needs to grow a bit bigger and stronger still.
We've had to start supplementing Sarah's feedings with formula; it's not our preference, but we ran out of breast milk entirely. Natalie's supply started to dwindle about 21 days after the birth, which is apparently not unusual if the baby isn't nursing yet. We've rented the Ameda Egnell SMB breastpump, which is the same one used at the hospital. (We've heard it described as the "Rolls Royce" of pumps.) However, a baby is the best pump; there's only so much a machine can do...
Dr. Metherd prescribed Reglan for Natalie, which can help stimulate milk production; she's been on it a couple days now (nasty stuff, she tells me) and it has been helping, but Sarah's appetite is greater than the supply; we feed her breast milk whenever possible, and formula as necessary. Natalie has allergies in general, and has shown occasional sensitivity to cow's milk (although not always), so we have been using soy formula to try to delay Sarah's introduction to cow's milk; we don't want her to develop an allergy to it...
Anyway, life continues. We can probably take occasional phone calls now, but unannounced visits are still discouraged. (Actually, I suppose they always would be!) Family members who want to visit can call us and we'll see what we can work out. We probably won't have too many non-family visitors over in the next few weeks. I'm planning to return to work on Monday or Tuesday, to save some vacation time for later.
I'll try to update this page at least once or twice a week for now, but no guarantees...
This is getting worse, isn't it? Now it's been 20 days since the last update. Life remains busy, so it's hard to carve out time for it. I can't promise it will get any better, either. I'll update the page when I update it; that's the best I can offer. Anyone who starts wondering what's going on is welcome to send me Email at <deven@ties.org> to inquire.
Okay, now I have to try to figure out what's happened since the last update...
I think we had Sarah weighed again at the pediatrician's sometime around March 29 or 30. She was about 4 pounds, 13 ounces, if I recall correctly. I'm pretty sure the last time she was weighed was at the midwives' office on April 1. She weighed in just over 5 pounds, 1 ounce. (Since the scale was different, I don't know how much calibration variance there might be.) We haven't had a chance to get her weighed since then, but we want to get another reading soon. We're not sure if she's past 6 pounds yet, but it certain seems possible. She certainly looks chubbier, at least to us.
We're still working with Sarah on feeding issues. Really, this seems to be the only effect remaining from her prematurity; she was suffering from a severe case of nipple confusion by bottle-feeding too soon. Last week was particularly frustrating for Natalie, who was dealing with Sarah alone while I had to work, feeding Sarah mostly formula from a bottle, per force. Her milk supply kept diminishing as Sarah continued not to breastfeed. It was a difficult week, with Sarah screaming (or falling asleep) every time Natalie tried to get her to latch on.
We had stopped using the supplementer for feeding back in March, as mentioned in the previous status update. It seemed to be too much work for her at the time. We put her back on bottles for her immediate well-being, knowing that it would make the nipple confusion even worse in the short term. On Saturday (April 10), we received a book and some information pamphlets on loan from Sandro and Natasha. (They are friends who live in the Boston area; they have a son, Gregorian, and another child on the way.)
Of particular interest was a pamphlet about overcoming nipple confusion. It gave us pretty much the same advice that Loma had, to use an alternate feeding method such as a cup or eyedropper, so they aren't sucking (incorrectly) at a bottle. It also pointed out that all babies have a need to suck, regardless of how they are actually fed. We knew all of this already, but when I read it this time, it just clicked and I knew where we went wrong with the supplementer before.
When we were using the supplementer, we had to tape the tube to a finger and let her suck on the finger to take her feeding. This was a lot of work (the tube was small), but at least she wasn't sucking incorrectly as she had to with a bottle. While we did see a little progress, she would only latch on and suck a couple times at most before giving up. What I now realize is that Sarah was getting ample opportunity to suck during feeding, which took as long as 45 minutes (or more) with the supplementer. Her need to suck was therefore being met and she had little motivation to nurse even for comfort. (Also, we were in the habit of letting her suck on a finger for comfort when necessary, as opposed to using a pacifier.)
Natalie and I discussed it and concluded it was time to change tactics. On Sunday (April 11), we started feeding Sarah with an eyedropper instead of the bottle. We would avoid offering her chances to suck, so as to allow her need to suck to motivate her to try nursing for comfort; from there, nursing for food is an easier step to take. Sunday was a very rough day, because we tried at first to give her nothing to suck on. Her screaming started to wear us down, so we decided it wasn't work upsetting her and us by being quite so strict about it. Since that night, we've let her suck on a finger when necessary, but tried to keep it for brief periods. (She still wasn't getting hours of sucking as she was used to.)
On Sunday and Monday, Sarah was still showing limited interest in nursing, and she spent a lot of time upset, because she ended up swallowing much more air with the eyedropper than the bottle. Still, things seemed to be starting to improve by Tuesday, as we all adapted to the new routine. Tuesday night, a miracle happened. Sarah latched on and nursed for 25 minutes, far beyond her previous record of about 20-30 seconds. It certainly seems that her need to suck provided ample motivation for nursing, once we realized how to take advantage of it!
We're all very happy that this new technique is working so well; when we told Loma (the midwive & lactation consultant) about it, she told us that she had goosebumps from the news. Sarah has latched on and nursed for at least 10-15 minutes several times in the past couple days, but she's not all the way there yet; sometimes she's still too upset. We expect it will probably take a few weeks until Sarah can be 100% breastfeeding, but that's our goal. It takes a lot of work, but she's worth it! Meanwhile, there's good reason to hope that milk production will start to pick up again now that Sarah's starting to nurse some. Natalie's continuing to pump for the time being; we'll just have to keep our fingers crossed that this whole process goes smoothly from now on.
A tip for any potential future parents out there -- if you want to breastfeed, try really hard to avoid giving your baby any bottles for at least the first month, when nipple confusion is most likely to develop; it takes a lot of work to overcome after it occurs. Since Sarah was in the NICU for the first few weeks, it would have been very difficult to avoid it. If we knew how much trouble we'd go through, we might have wanted to have Sarah fed by gavage (the nasal tube) longer, whenever she couldn't breastfeed. We didn't know at the time, and I doubt the hospital would have cooperated with such a plan anyhow; it was hard enough to convince them she was ready to feed for herself in the first place! (Besides, she probably would have ended up staying weeks longer that way, and we wanted her home...)
Meanwhile, we've suddenly started contemplating the prospect of moving to a different house. This started much as it did last time; Natalie had some time to surf the web, and was idly browsing through available houses on the Cincy MLS website, out of curiosity. She saw a house that looked interesting, so we figured we'd take a look at it, just on the off chance it might be worth moving. That house turned out to be less appealing in person, when we drove by to check out the property from the outside. However, what began as idle speculation has rapidly turned into a serious investigation into the merits of moving, just as it did 3 years ago.
That's another long story, but suffice it to say that idle speculation in April 1996 triggered a whirlwind search that culminated in buying our present house in June 1996. Something similar may be happening again; what started as idle speculation has found us suddenly needing to make a decision. Even though we never decided to move, we discussed the possibility with Eileen, our Realtor. She didn't want to pressure us, but as luck would have it, she had a buyer who was looking for a house in Northside, and she thought our house might match his criteria well...
On Sunday, we let her bring him through the house to see it (although it's still not on the market officially and he knows that), because he was about ready to buy another house a few blocks away. While he liked that house, he loved our house, even though we had only one day to try to clean up 3 years worth of clutter. Today, he took a second tour of the house, and now we suddenly have an offer on our house! (Yikes!)
The offer is for $81,500. While our house was originally listed for $79,900 before we bought it, it was relisted at $69,900 because the owners were quite desperate to sell after about 6 months of double mortgage payments. Because we were buying the house on Natalie's income (before I started working for Cincinnati Bell Telephone), we were only approved for $58,900; that was the most the bank felt we could afford. (The payments were just barely more than our rent at the time was.)
The owners wanted to sell the house, and we wanted to buy it, but we had this $11,000 gap to contend with. In the end, we scrabbled together every cent we possibly could and managed to negotiate a price of $64,500, which the owners reluctantly accepted. (As I said, they were desperate to sell by this time.) We would have happily paid the original $79,900 asking price if the bank would have given us that much; we loved the house and thought it was worth that.
Now, we owe right around $56,000 on our mortgage, since we've been making extra principal payments of $100/month for the last year or two, after a few calculations demonstrated that it would cut off 11 years from the end of the 30-year loan. Amazing when you think about it, but the 30-year formula has only about $45/month going to principal even after 3 years now; that extra $100/month is a huge difference, especially in the early years. Even after Eileen's commission, we stand to walk away with around $20,000 to put down on another house! Not a bad return on a 3-year investment!
Still, we need to consider carefully whether or not we should move just yet. We'd like a bigger house and a bigger yard, but there are other factors to consider as well. Yes, we can afford a more expensive house payment, but if we made huge principal payments every month, we could build a lot of equity rather than having the money go into interest on a more expensive house. On the other hand, we don't know where the market will go. We might get a better offer in a couple years -- or we might find ourselves unable to get even the $64,500 we paid, for all we know. Predicting the future is a gamble, to be sure.
We don't want Sarah roaming around this neighborhood. Northside is fine for us, but I don't really care to raise children here. While our street itself is fairly quiet and serene, it's a very short walk to find drug dealers on the street corner a couple blocks away. Our street is stable and the ugly side of Northside doesn't penetrate easily, but we wouldn't want Sarah here when she's old enough to be outside playing without constant supervision.
On the other hand, Sarah's much too young to be playing outside yet anyhow. We've probably got at least 2 years before this will really be an issue, but we're worrying about it in advance. Still, we could probably stand to stay another year or two if it makes sense to do so. Also, Northside is in a very convenient location for us; my mother and Natalie's mother each live about half a mile away, both in Northside. I can drive to work in 10 minutes. We're close to buslines if we want to use them. This house certainly has its advantages...
So, we need to decide what we're going to do. I don't know what the answer will be yet, but I have the feeling that things may move fast (again) if we decide to go ahead and move now. Luckily, our potential buyer has a place he can stay month-to-month; if we decide to accept the offer, we could work out a delay in occupancy while we find something else...
On a different note, last Friday (April 9), a serious tornado stuck in the Cincinnati area, for those who don't already know. We were nowhere near the devastation, but several people were killed. The tornado caused millions of dollars worth of damage in several wealthy neighborhoods; it was big enough that it made a story on Dateline: NBC. If anyone out of town was concerned about us, don't be. It's big news locally, but we were unaffected personally.
It's time for me to go; I've spent way too much time writing this update, and I need to get some dinner and see my wife and daughter. We have things to discuss, after all...
P.S. I still read "The Cat in the Hat" to Sarah every single day, as I have since she was born. (I didn't read it to her on the actual day of her birth, but I figure it wasn't a full day, so it doesn't have to count. :-)
My heart is absolutely broken. My beautiful baby daughter died in her sleep last night.
Sarah was doing so well yesterday. She went to see Dr. Spiess, who was very impressed with her progress and said she was doing beautifully. In fact, she was doing so well that Dr. Spiess said it would be medically safe to allow her to try breastfeeding exclusively, and that she could even afford to lose some weight without any medical danger, as long as we watched her weight and stayed alert for signs of dehydration. Sarah seemed ready to try it; while she was now latching on consistently, she wasn't doing it quite right, so it was causing more pain for Natalie than it should have, but we figured that we could work on that. We were going to start today...
Natalie and I watched South Park at 10:00 PM last night; Natalie went to sleep about 10:30 PM after it ended. I stayed up with Sarah a while longer, but I was very tired from short nights of sleep the last couple nights; I was ready to fall asleep by 11:30 PM. Sarah was sleeping with us, as she always has since coming home. (We read about research and convincing arguments about how co-sleeping is actually safer for children, despite the opinions of some "experts" who don't seem to be very rational on the subject. Email me if you are interested in any of the details, but suffice it to say, to the best of our knowledge, this was the absolute safest way for her to sleep.)
I held her when I went to sleep, situated (as always) so as to keep her nearby while using bent arms and legs to keep from rolling at all toward her. Sarah was sleeping contently when I fell asleep. We never heard a peep from her; perhaps that's what woke us up. We usually checked her frequently throughout the night, taking turns holding her.
Natalie tells me she woke up first (I can't recall, myself) and I woke up immediately when Natalie asked me to pass Sarah to her. She warned me not to wake her; she seemed to be sleeping so peacefully. Then we realized with horror that she was too peaceful. In fact, she was slightly stiff and completely unresponsive. We both immediately began to panic.
Natalie immediately flipped on the light as I quickly removed Sarah's sleeper to try to check her arm for a pulse, because I couldn't feel any signs of breathing. We had both taken an Infant CPR class, which was required before we were allowed to bring Sarah home from the NICU. I immediately began the CPR procedures to try to revive her, while Natalie immediately called 911 to summon the paramedics. The class suggested performing CPR for at least one minute before calling for paramedics, but what parent would?
I tilted her head back and opened her mouth, and placed my mouth over her mouth and nose, just as they taught us in the class. I was shocked to discover that I couldn't even get a breath into her; her airway was completely blocked. I had to force my finger inside her mouth and physically pull her tongue forward to unblock her airway. This worked; I was able to breath for her at this point. Luckily, the 911 operator reminded us to do 5 chest compressions followed by 2 breaths; I couldn't remember how many of each to do in the sequence.
It seemed like the paramedics were here in about 5 minutes, but I can't trust my time sense; the whole night was fast becoming a blur anyhow. (Natalie felt like it was 3-5 minutes also, so maybe that's about right.) After I passed Sarah over to the paramedics, they started working on her in the house, then in the ambulance. We knew something must be horribly wrong when they tried to keep us from looking into the back of the ambulance. Finally, they took her up to Children's Hospital Medical Center. The doctors there said they gave her something like 8 rounds of medication, but even the best Children's hospital in the Cincinnati area was unable to help her.
I should write more, but I'm falling asleep. I'll try to fill it in later.
If you read the previous status update before this one went online, you may want to reread it; I cleaned it up a bit to make it flow a little better and fixed minor errors. I was so exhausted that night that I couldn't focus on writing the update enough to write it very well. I finally just gave up, because I was literally falling asleep at the keyboard. I'm very tired again tonight, but I want to make an attempt to finish the task anyhow.
When the paramedics took Sarah out to the ambulance, we followed close behind them. They put her in the ambulance and started working on her there; they told us to stay away from the window and not look inside. (We took this as a very bad sign.) Then we discovered that a police car was also there. First I thought that it may have been there as an escort for the ambulance, but then they started questioning us about what happened. I pointed out that we were in a frantic state and probably couldn't answer their questions very sensibly, but we did the best we could to answer them at that time.
After a few minutes, the paramedics decided they needed to take Sarah to Children's hospital. They suggested we go ahead in our own car and wait for them. Natalie refused to leave Sarah alone, so they finally allowed her to ride in the front of the ambulance. They were adamant about not letting her ride in the back of the ambulance where they were still trying to revive Sarah. I drove our car so we could get home later.
Our trip to the hospital was delayed for approximately five minutes as the ambulance tried to escape the confines of our street. A Winnebago camper was parked up the street, as it almost always is. Despite parking over the curb (which I think is probably illegal anyway), the camper intruded into what little driving area was available on this narrow street. We had never called the police to complain about this, not wanting to upset a neighbor. Natalie called in a complaint this morning, because our dying daughter was kept from the hospital unnecessarily by this neighbor's complete lack of consideration for safety. (That house even has a driveway, but the Winnebago was inevitably parked on the street instead.)
Finally, the ambulance found a way to squeeze past the Winnebago, and went to the hospital. Evidently the ambulance driver wasn't entirely familiar with the area; Natalie had to help direct him to the hospital! (She used to work at Children's hospital in the Medical Records department.) Natalie forgot which side the emergency entrance was now on, so she didn't take the most efficient route possible, but it was better than the route the driver had in mind earlier.
I followed the ambulance as closely as possible, but I did get stuck at several traffic lights. By the time I got to the emergency entrance, Natalie was already inside, but I just caught them wheeling Sarah out of the ambulance. It appeared that they were still struggling to revive her, which horrified me. I had been so sure she would be okay once the paramedics and hospital took over; Sarah was always such a fighter...
I found Natalie in the "family room" by the emergency entrance; she was a mess, understandably. The hospital chaplain showed up to try to help us. A staff member called Natalie's mom and my mom, telling them to get to the hospital. Natalie's mom threw on clothes and flew out the door so fast that she was there within 5-10 minutes, just about the time my mom was walking out the door. Her mom had a head start (having been called first), and she lost her own firstborn daughter 30 years ago, just after birth; she automatically felt that any call from the hospital at 5:00 AM demanded her instant presence. In this case she was right. My mom got there just a few minutes later, but it felt like an eternity; we found out just a few seconds before Natalie's mom arrived that the doctors had given up on Sarah.
Once Sarah was officially declared dead, we were allowed to go see her. She was just lying there, looking so tiny on that full-sized bed. When we picked her up, we discovered that she was very cold, and white as a sheet. That's when we realized how much warmer she had been (though she seemed cold at the time, like she had been left uncovered too long), and how much more color she had (though the looked pale). In short, when we found her, she was probably impossible to save, but we still had hope. If we had left her in either the bassinet or the crib, we would have found her hours later, just as white and cold as she was in the hospital. Then we probably would have been suicidal with remorse for not having kept her in bed with us, thinking that we might have saved her if so.
There's more to this story, but I'm about to collapse from exhaustion again. I'll have to try to pick this up again later, as before.
I guess I've unconsciously avoided working on this web page. I keep telling myself that I need to post an update, but the thought of actually doing it has been too daunting. It tends to take a lot of time and energy, it's very draining, and right now the necessity of simply getting through each day without her is constantly wearing on us. There's so much left to tell that it's difficult to contemplate the effort involved in writing it up.
This morning, we realized it's been exactly one month since Sarah died. Our life with her seems like a distant memory, as if it was a dream rather than reality. We've been depressed all day. Yet another little milestone of our staggering loss. Each of the first few weeks was individually depressing. The weekly milestones are starting to blur; the monthly ones are likely to be worse from this point on, starting with today.
Some particular milestones are worse than most. May 17 was a bad one; that was when we realized that Sarah had been dead longer than she had been in the hospital. Similarly, Memorial Day (May 31) will be bad; then, she'll have been dead longer than we had her home with us. On June 25, she'll have been dead longer than she was alive. There's so many variations on the same theme; we wake up every morning to discover that she's still dead. Sadly, it no longer comes as a surprise; the terrible knowledge is too deeply engraved in our hearts.
We've been trying to keep ourselves busy; life does go on, somehow. I spent about a week at home mourning Sarah's death, but I had to go back to work sooner or later. Even for the first week or two when I returned, I probably didn't accomplish very much at work. My work life is pretty much back to normal now; I no longer spend most of the day dwelling on the tragedy we've suffered, but I'm often reminded of it. Everyone I work with has been very good to us; it's amazing what you learn about people in times of crisis.
We had a distressing afternoon today. We went to the Olive Garden for lunch around 3:00 PM. The place had many empty tables, but in some cruel twist of fate, a party was seated right next to us -- three women and a baby. We seem to keep seeing babies everywhere we go; we're probably just sensitive about it right now. Our daughter was perfect, and we lost her. It hurts to see so many healthy, happy babies out there when we didn't deserve to lose ours.
It's bad enough that this happens to us on a daily basis already, but this time it was the one-month anniversary of our daughter's death, and the waitress was fawning over this baby right in front of us. She had no idea, of course. We rushed through our meal, paid the check, and fled the restaurant as quickly as we could. We just couldn't stand to spend any more time in that situation. (They probably wondered what was wrong with us...)
It's well past time for me to go to sleep, as usual. I haven't even tried to continue the story yet; it's still a pretty daunting task, but I'll try to find some time to work on it as soon as I can bring myself to post another update...
P.S. I should probably mention that we are going to be moving to a new house, although not the one we had an offer pending on when Sarah died. (That house was snapped up by someone else the day she died, after our bid was put on hold.) We will be moving instead to a house in Greenhills. More on that at a later time...
Just did a bit of a housekeeping/maintenance update. I moved the images from this page to a new gallery page. Natalie's memorial page is now on this site as well. I also added a note to the lead paragraph about our belief that Sarah's death was caused by the vaccines she received 14 hours before her death, so that the vaccine-related links I added to the top of the page wouldn't seem out of place. I also added links to the USA Today article and MSNBC story that mentioned us and Sarah. The USA Today article misspelled our last name as "Korzine", but otherwise was a well-balanced article. The MSNBC story was excellent, and ran as an 11-minute video on "The News with Brian Williams" on MSNBC and CNBC, on two separate occasions.
Until yesterday, the MSNBC story was here, but it appears to have vanished from the MSNBC site. Hence, the links on this page are to a local mirror copy I made when the story was first posted. Later, the page was modified to include a link to the actual video in the sidebar (with a picture of Sarah in the link), but I was unable to find any way to mirror the video itself, so I didn't try to update this mirror of the original page. I don't know why the story disappeared from the MSNBC site, but if it comes back, I will relink to it.
The original copy of the MSNBC story remains defunct on MSNBC's website. It was probably removed because Linda Vester moved to Fox News on September 13, 1999. She quit after 10 years at NBC, and this was one of many stories she did that were evidently removed from the MSNBC website. I don't know if these stories were removed for some sort of contractual reason or simply out of spite, but it's annoying either way...
As I previously mentioned, I couldn't find any way to mirror the video itself when it was posted. However, I remembered that I had "saved" the link for the video. It was only 200 bytes, as it referenced a streaming video server, and did not contain the actual contents of the video. That's why I didn't see much point in saving that file.
I just checked; the streaming video is still on MSNBC's server, despite the removal of the rest of the story from their web server. I can't guarantee how long it will remain there; I suppose they didn't think of removing it with the rest. Right now it works, but they might remove it any time. (If anyone knows how to mirror it, let me know.) I'm afraid it requires Windows Media Player; there's nothing I can do about that. (Maybe if I can encode my videotape someday, I might be able to use some other format that is supported on more computer platforms...)
And one more piece of news for anyone who hadn't already heard; Natalie is pregnant again, nearly 21 weeks now, due on June 12, 2000...
This web page is finally back online, after nearly 4 months offline due to a system failure and a lack of time to rebuild the system which kept all of www.ties.org offline for that time, including this page. Hopefully this won't happen again...
Our new daughter, Frances Liana Corzine, was born on May 18, 2000; she is almost 5 months old now and doing quite well. She needs another web page of her own, which will be coming soon, but isn't ready yet. It will live at http://www.ties.org/frances/ when it is ready. (An unorganized pile of random digital photos may appear there before the page is fully ready, since I bought a digital camera just after Frances was born...)
It's been a year and a half since I've updated this web page. There's really not been much to say, and it doesn't seem to be helpful to dwell on the past. We still miss Sarah, and we always will. We are scarred for life by the loss of our firstborn daughter, and nothing will ever change that. At least we're down to the yearly anniversaries now; the individual days, weeks and months a no longer a constant reminder of our loss.
It's been three years now since Sarah's death, and Francie is just shy of two years old. Frances could never replace Sarah, even if she is indeed another feisty redhead. Nevertheless, she has been an essential part of the healing process; without her, I have no doubt that Natalie and I would both be bitter, miserable people by now. Amazingly, we are now about equally as happy as we were the day before Sarah died -- the first month, we never would have thought that to be possible.
Nobody could ever replace Sarah, but Frances did fill the void left by Sarah's death. It was agonizing to be parents without any children; I can't imagine how bad it would have been if we never had another child. Francie's first year was pretty stressful for us, but just like Sarah, Frances is "the" love of our lives. (As I expect each child will be. I'm a parent; such a statement doesn't seem inconsistent to me at all!) So, somehow we're back to being a very happy family, even though we'll always know that one's missing. I suppose the scars have healed as much as they're likely to, but they'll never disappear. Despite everything, we wouldn't give up the short time we had with Sarah, even if we do feel like we were cheated out of much more time we should have had with her...
On a more utilitarian note, I checked the links on this page. The USA Today article has vanished, so I'm now using a local copy I mirrored long ago. However, I did modify the local copy to fix the spelling of "Corzine". The MSNBC video no longer appears to be available on their server -- maybe I'll be able to capture the video from my videotape someday. For now, it's gone.
This will probably be the last update for quite a while; there's not so much more to say that I feel like saying. Besides, Francie's keeping life busy!
Sarah died five years ago today. It was also a Thursday. Another milestone, and it seems I should write something in recognition of it. And yet, I find there's really not much new to say. I was thinking this anniversary would be an appropriate time to finally capture the MSNBC video and put it online, but I didn't find the time and energy to do it this week, so it will have to wait until later. Of course, that means it might be years yet before I finally get around to it, but I'll try to do it sooner than later...
Apart from that video, I really don't have much more to add to this website.
Everything I said two years ago still holds true today. We will miss Sarah
for the rest of our lives, but Frances remains a delight. She does know about
her older sister; we decided it would be better for her to grow up with the
knowledge than to be shocked by it at a later age. Meanwhile, we've decided
it's time for Francie to be an older sister -- hopefully a year from now we'll
have two children running around here, though we'll still be missing one...
I suppose this web page qualifies me as an early blogger, since I was blogging
about Sarah before that term was even coined and long before blogging became
the cool new thing to do! (But no fancy software here, this page has always
been just hand-edited HTML.)
It's hard to believe that it's been ten years since Sarah died. It's
been so long that it's almost surreal -- sometimes our brief time with Sarah
seems more like a dream than something that actually happened in real life.
We still miss Sarah, of course, but we try to focus on the two daughters we do
have, Frances Liana Corzine (born May 18, 2000) and Cassandra Helen Corzine
(born October 28, 2004). Francie and Cassie are both wonderful girls -- it's
too bad they never had an opportunity to meet their big sister. (Many others
never had that opportunity either, for that matter.)
After all these years, last night I finally got around to digitizing
that old videotape of that MSNBC news story from August 27, 1999. I added a
link to the (iPod-compatible) MPEG-4
video to the links at the top of this page. Better late than never, I
guess. This is an excellent segment (11½ minutes long) and
well worth watching.
After Sarah's death, in an overabundance of caution, I redacted the name of
Dr. Libbey Spiess out of the old status updates above. Our lawyer told us
that wasn't necessary, so I have finally removed the redacting and restored
the original text of the previous status updates.
I have also added a link to the National Vaccine Injury
Compensation Program (VICP), the so-called "no fault" program mentioned
in the MSNBC story. (The VICP is actually adversarial in the extreme.) We
did file a VICP claim, but I did not mention this fact in the previous status
updates above because I did not want to blog about the case while it was still
in progress. It was a very close case, but thanks to our
excellent lawyer
(Nick Bunch)
and expert witnesses (including Dr. Marcel Kinsbourne, who appeared in the
MSNBC video), we ultimately prevailed.
Sarah's VICP case was decided in 2004. (Yes, we spent 5 years on the case!)
The final decision was (just barely) in our favor; the Court ruled that it was
more likely than not that Sarah died as a result of the vaccinations she had
received 14 hours before her death. The decision was even published,
which (I'm told) implies that the decision offers precedent for future cases.
(Annoyingly, my name was spelled incorrectly in the decision.) Ultimately,
we received the "compensation" check in September 2004 -- as if any amount of
money could compensate a parent for the death of their child? (Anyhow, the
money is gone now, but I won't be blogging about where it went.)
Unfortunately, Natalie and I have been separated for over a year now. After
several months of fighting, she moved out of the house (back to our old house
in Greenhills) on February 8, 2008 and filed for divorce in January 2009.
I wish we could reconcile our differences, but she doesn't want to, so it's
out of my hands. It appears that the divorce will be final after our date
with the judge next Wednesday, April 29, 2009. We will continue sharing
custody of the girls, as we have since the separation began. Luckily, we
still get along very well as co-parents, despite the state of our marriage.
Along the way, my grandmother (Frances Lane Edwards) passed away on September
29, 2008, one month shy of her 85th birthday. She was Sarah's namesake;
Sarah's middle name of Frances was after my grandmother. Frances, in turn,
was named for Sarah and my grandmother.
Still, despite everything, somehow life goes on. It always does, somehow...
Status Update (Wednesday, April 22, 2009)